I’m in a state of generalized, unspecific yuckiness. I would really like it to go away, but instead, it hovers. It hangs on my cheeks, making smiles feel hard and tears feel easy. It sits in my throat, leaving my voice diminished and scratchy. It weights on my chest and no matter how hard I cough, I can’t rattle it loose.
I feel stuck in my life right now. My job makes me restless and discontented, no matter how many times I remind myself how much worse it could be (and has been, at other jobs).
An image of how I feel just ocurred to me. In the movie, “A Never Ending Story” the character Atriu and his horse are stuck in a bog of quick-sand that only starts to suck you down when you start to feel sad or sorry for yourself. I am in the bog, feeling sad, so it is starting to suck me down even further. And what do you do once it starts to suck you down? You start to feel even sorrier for yourself that you are sliding down into this bog of muck and sadness, but it feels so much easier to stay sad than to change your attitude and tell the bog to stop claiming your sadness as it’s own.
Hmmm.
How strange, I’m actually feeling a little better having written all that.